I wanted to pull in close with the five people I love the most. To be a unit again and enjoy each other, without schedules, or rushing, or appointments, or laundry. I also wanted my kids to see something and someplace new and a little different than what they are used to.
I wanted to sit by the pool while they swam and laughed, and have an actual conversation with my husband.
I wanted, more than anything, to parent without guilt. I never, ever go to sleep feeling like I did enough. I always feel that I am not doing enough to get my daughter out of her wheelchair and back to walking with her walker.
She needs to walk more, to weight bear more, to stand more and to stretch more. She needs to eat a leaner, healthier diet. But her “more” has to be completely facilitated by me. And at the end of the day I feel like I didn’t do enough.
But this trip gave me a new energy and a new perspective, and a chance to be still long enough to find my focus. Watching her swim and move and laugh, and get exercise – I felt good. This is what she needs, and I am done being the passive observer of six therapies a week. I just needed this chance to hear it and let it sink in, and to form a new plan of attack. A vacation is great, but that chance to let your sails readjust and change course in invaluable.