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All By Myself

November 7, 2014 By admin 1 Comment

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Photo from Unsplash by Lee Scott

Picture

“Just drop me off here, Mom” I hear my daughter say.  Those are very unfamiliar words in my ears.  She wants to be without me?  With her friends?  I always dreamed of this moment on some level, but I think in my heart I knew it would never happen.  Maybe I will drop her off for college by herself, because I don’t think they let the parents stay, but elementary school?  Is she going to be OK?

My little girl, who for six months after her surgery has not wanted me to leave her side, is telling me to leave.  To drop her off.  To let her fly on her own and try her wings.  or wheels to be more accurate..
It is a tough bridge for me to cross.  I reel through my objections and questions for her about how she will manage, how she will handle a problem, how she will go to the bathroom.  Don’t you need me to take care of you and help you, I wonder.  As much as I say and think how much I want her to be independent, and to fly on her own, am I really ready to practice this.  I have a vision of her friends getting too silly and pushing her too fast, and her wheelchair falling over with her underneath it.  Or of them all running one direction that she can’t go, and not being able to follow, and being left alone and needing her Mom.

It is hard to let any of my kids find their independence and fly on their own.  To be truthful I worry about all of them.  But Shea the most.  Her independence actually hurts a little.  Although I really do want this for her, for her more than anyone.  I just need to trust her, and trust the people around her, and to take a very hard step back and let her fly.  Let her roll along to her own rhythm, and to become her own person outside of the shadow I cast over her.  My shadow is always there to protect her, but she has to learn just like every other kid, how to be on her own and make good decisions and choose good friends.  I can’t be the helicopter parent just because she has a disability.  

But boy is this a tough lesson for one of us to learn. 


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Filed Under: Special Needs Parent

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Comments

  1. Susan Trieschmann says

    November 8, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    I love the statement “let her find her wings …. or her wheels more accurately.” Well said hon and good job letting go. Never easy, no matter how often its practiced but start with movie nights and enjoy the space you get for yourself and your blog. Love you

    Reply

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