My little girl, who for six months after her surgery has not wanted me to leave her side, is telling me to leave. To drop her off. To let her fly on her own and try her wings. or wheels to be more accurate..
It is a tough bridge for me to cross. I reel through my objections and questions for her about how she will manage, how she will handle a problem, how she will go to the bathroom. Don’t you need me to take care of you and help you, I wonder. As much as I say and think how much I want her to be independent, and to fly on her own, am I really ready to practice this. I have a vision of her friends getting too silly and pushing her too fast, and her wheelchair falling over with her underneath it. Or of them all running one direction that she can’t go, and not being able to follow, and being left alone and needing her Mom.
It is hard to let any of my kids find their independence and fly on their own. To be truthful I worry about all of them. But Shea the most. Her independence actually hurts a little. Although I really do want this for her, for her more than anyone. I just need to trust her, and trust the people around her, and to take a very hard step back and let her fly. Let her roll along to her own rhythm, and to become her own person outside of the shadow I cast over her. My shadow is always there to protect her, but she has to learn just like every other kid, how to be on her own and make good decisions and choose good friends. I can’t be the helicopter parent just because she has a disability.
But boy is this a tough lesson for one of us to learn.