Credit: ByplaneForum.Com
I never actually saw myself as the mother of a child with special needs. It was never on my list of things I dreamed of being when I grew up, and I never saw myself in that role. When I was a little girl I only dreamed of being a pilot.
I wanted to be Amelia Earhart until probably an embarrassing age of about 20. Embarrassing only because I didn’t follow through with that passion and that goal in my life. If you harbor a dream for that long, you should at least make an effort to obtain it.
When I thought about myself as an adult, I always saw myself as a Mom though. I knew I wanted children, and I knew I wanted a lot. Even now I feel like I should have had more than three. But it wasn’t in the cards, and I am happy with the three wonderful ones I have.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I consciously thought about having a special needs child. I had a wonderful husband and son who was just over a year, and I remember having an almost fear that this baby would not be as “perfect.” That I was not strong enough to be one of those moms, that it would have a negative effect on my little boy and not be fair to him, and that maybe a marriage couldn’t handle that stress. When my daughter was born I thought, phew, she is perfect and OK and all will be well in the world. Or my world as I thought I knew it.
Those first weeks are a bit of a blur, as I was exhausted and trying to manage with a 20 month old and a newborn, being all of 38 myself. And then Shea got sick. She started coughing and gasping for breath and turning blue at 3 weeks, and was diagnosed with whooping cough at 5 weeks. After her journey through being transported to Lurie Children’s Hospital and spending weeks in the ICU, we took her home to watch her cough and stop breathing for another three months.
It took a while to realize what the whooping cough had done to her, and the loss of oxygen had caused in her body, and we didn’t start to wrap ourselves around it for almost 6 more months. The truth: We had a daughter with special needs. I was that Mom I feared so much. I was that Mom that I couldn’t look in the eye when I ran into her at the grocery store or the library with her kids who were not perfect. I had exactly what I was sure I couldn’t handle, that my family couldn’t handle.
The lesson was huge and in reality took years. Now I am at a place of: I can handle this. My daughter is so far beyond perfect that I feel sorry for parents of “regular” kids. My son grew into a sibling who adores and protects his sister, someone who I can be very proud of. My husband and I are happy and our lives, though different, is still pretty darn great.
Having a child with special needs helps you grow as a person, and see what is truly important and special in life. It can really be a gift. An exhausting, trying, tearful at times gift, but a gift that lets you grow as a person and a parent in ways you never thought you could.
So I have never gotten to be the pilot I always dreamed of being, but I have hope for my daughters to live my dream. I have become so much more than I thought I could, even if I look the same and like every other Mom. I know what is in my heart and how I have changed for the better.
I wanted to be Amelia Earhart until probably an embarrassing age of about 20. Embarrassing only because I didn’t follow through with that passion and that goal in my life. If you harbor a dream for that long, you should at least make an effort to obtain it.
When I thought about myself as an adult, I always saw myself as a Mom though. I knew I wanted children, and I knew I wanted a lot. Even now I feel like I should have had more than three. But it wasn’t in the cards, and I am happy with the three wonderful ones I have.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I consciously thought about having a special needs child. I had a wonderful husband and son who was just over a year, and I remember having an almost fear that this baby would not be as “perfect.” That I was not strong enough to be one of those moms, that it would have a negative effect on my little boy and not be fair to him, and that maybe a marriage couldn’t handle that stress. When my daughter was born I thought, phew, she is perfect and OK and all will be well in the world. Or my world as I thought I knew it.
Those first weeks are a bit of a blur, as I was exhausted and trying to manage with a 20 month old and a newborn, being all of 38 myself. And then Shea got sick. She started coughing and gasping for breath and turning blue at 3 weeks, and was diagnosed with whooping cough at 5 weeks. After her journey through being transported to Lurie Children’s Hospital and spending weeks in the ICU, we took her home to watch her cough and stop breathing for another three months.
It took a while to realize what the whooping cough had done to her, and the loss of oxygen had caused in her body, and we didn’t start to wrap ourselves around it for almost 6 more months. The truth: We had a daughter with special needs. I was that Mom I feared so much. I was that Mom that I couldn’t look in the eye when I ran into her at the grocery store or the library with her kids who were not perfect. I had exactly what I was sure I couldn’t handle, that my family couldn’t handle.
The lesson was huge and in reality took years. Now I am at a place of: I can handle this. My daughter is so far beyond perfect that I feel sorry for parents of “regular” kids. My son grew into a sibling who adores and protects his sister, someone who I can be very proud of. My husband and I are happy and our lives, though different, is still pretty darn great.
Having a child with special needs helps you grow as a person, and see what is truly important and special in life. It can really be a gift. An exhausting, trying, tearful at times gift, but a gift that lets you grow as a person and a parent in ways you never thought you could.
So I have never gotten to be the pilot I always dreamed of being, but I have hope for my daughters to live my dream. I have become so much more than I thought I could, even if I look the same and like every other Mom. I know what is in my heart and how I have changed for the better.
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