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A Whole New Life

August 27, 2013 By admin Leave a Comment

Picture

I was reading lots of fun posts from Moms on their kids first days of school, and looking at all the great pictures from people showing new hair cuts and fresh faces, and shiny new backpacks.  I have to say, that I too, was very much looking forward to the start of school for my kids.

I had just enough summer.  Not too much so it got old, but the perfect balance of free time, camp and travel.  But I am ready for a schedule.  Ready to feel like I am moving forward I think.  Ready to know what each day will hold and how to accomplish managing it.  I want to know what times they will go to bed and get up, and to think again about dinners and homework.  Maybe I am crazy, but I am ready.


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But when I took this little one to her very first day of kindergarten, I felt a bit lost.  I was sad, for sure, because my Mom has always done all of the firsts with me, and she wasn’t here for this one.  I missed her in a really heart aching way all day.  Maybe not to see my daughter’s first day of kindergarten but to bear witness to my first day.  My first day of the next phase in my life.  My first day in ten years when I had a little time to be me again.  Three hours, but it felt like a lifetime.  

I wandered around in a daze for awhile in my house, not knowing where to start.  Where do you jump in?  Where do you start a new phase?

I am so comfortable being late and behind, and trying to scramble to catch up with everything.  Now I had time, and space.  But where do I start?  Laundry?  Dishwasher?  Writing?  Blogging?  My actual job that I long to get caught up on?  Where???

I am slowly finding the rhythm of this new song and enjoying it.  I walked home at 8:30 am all by myself, feeling the sun on my face and strength in my legs, and relishing the perfect quiet of the world.  I miss that feeling of just being me, and not just being Mom.  And I am thankful that I have work I love and writing I crave, and life to organize.  

It would just all be more fun with my Mom by my side to enjoy it.


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Hi, and thanks for stopping by and joining me in this crazy, interesting life of parenting a special child.
Days may be long, but never boring - and I look forward to all of the amazing things that this kind of life, living outside the lines, will bring. More…

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